I love reading the blurbs on the backs of football cards--frankly, I wish I had a job writing the blurbs on the backs of football cards. The best blurbs are written for lousy or average players. The writers usually go to great lengths to praise the players for the most minor of achievements. Here at PV, we'll chronicle and interpret some of the best. We'll try to make this a regular feature.
Here's what the back of Frisman Jackson's 2006 Topps card (#76) reads:
"Now in his fifth season, Frisman's next start will be his first--and based on his progress in 2005, it may not be too long in coming. A part time QB in college, he went undrafted in 2002. He was actually released by the Browns in '04, but they quickly resigned him. Jackson's 24 catches last year included a 68-yard TD in the season opener."
WHAT THE CRAP. The goal of a football card blurb is to praise the player, even if it goes beyond all reason. But what are the distinguishing features we learn about Jackson on this card?
--He's never started a game in the NFL.
--He wasn't good enough to be drafted.
--He was once released.
There's so little to praise in Jackson's career, Topps actually points out that he's never been good enough to start and he was once released. They actually mention that he's been cut. But Topps does give him some praise: they do mention his one career touchdown reception specifically.
This is a great blurb--it's just barely covert ripping. Here's what the sub-text reads:
"Frisman Jackson sucks. We're sorry you got his card in this pack. Better luck next time."