I get a lot of letters asking for donations to various causes. Recently I received a letter from the United States Olympic Committee asking for a donation. Here is my sarcastic response, intended to be cynical rather than un-American.
Dear United States Olympic Committee,
I would like to express my heartfelt appreciation for the complimentary address labels you have graciously given to me. However, I am choosing to decline your request for a financial donation for the U.S. Olympic team.
I know that, as you've told me, my gift would "help train the U.S. Olympic Team to compete against government-backed giants like China, Germany and Russia." But I will rely on the scrappy determination of the underdog Americans against such "giants." I think they'll still have a chance, even though you've told me you estimate "double the number of gifts will be needed to give us a chance at victory in the 2008 Olympic Games compared to the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens." Somehow, Some way, I hope the underfunded, underappreciated American athletes will still have a "chance at victory" without my donation.
It's just that with limited funds, my wife and I have to pick and choose which organizations to charitably support. And while my "gift will ensure they have the coaching, travel funds, and traning so necessary for victory," I'm going to reserve my charitable donations for other causes. It would be nice if I could give you money so that American athletes could win medals so that they could make their own money through sponsorship and endorsements. Unfortunately, we'll probably continue to give money to animal rights groups, wildlife protection groups, and homeless shelters. Hopefully the American athletes can still make it to Beijing, where they can earn the endorsements without my help.
But I do wish you luck. Hopefully your sponsors, whether they be worldwide sponsors, partners, sponsors, suppliers, or licensees, will provide you with enough funds to make the trip. That's a pretty good list of some very rich corporations; I think you'll be fine without my twenty bucks.