Friday, April 06, 2007

Colin Cowherd and Great Bullies

Colin Cowherd now ranks with the great bullies of all-time. He plagiarizes, openly taunts those he plagiarized from, then apologizes and gives credit (when he realizes that he actually did commit plagiarism). He wants to "blow up" "young blogs" that he finds "annoying"--because he can. He's just a bully, and all of us bloggers are the school kids uniting in hatred. How does Cowherd compare to some of the great villains in television and film?

Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)
Muntz terrorizes the kids of Springfield and laughs smugly at the suffering of others (Muntz's smug "Ha-Haa" probably matches Cowherd's personality nicely). But we all know Muntz is just lashing out because of his bad family life.

Scut Farkus (A Christmas Story)
He had yellow eyes! Nobody is afraid of Colin Cowherd, though.

Wayne Arnold (The Wonder Years)
Wayne arbitrarily insulted and attacked Kevin Arnold for years. Cowherd seems to have similar arbitrary anger.

Alan (Freaks and Geeks)
Alan went so far as to slip peanuts into Bill's sandwich, sending him into a coma. We find out, though, that Alan picks on the geeks because he wants to be one of them--but just can't bring himself to go to the Sci Fi convention. Somehow I don't think Cowherd picks on bloggers because he wants to be one of us.

Mr. Potter (It's a Wonderful Life)
I always loved the SNL sketch where we got closure and Potter got his ass kicked. What a detestable bully. Cowherd probably isn't at this Robber Baron's level.

Tony Soprano (The Sopranos)
In the words of Christopher Moltisanti, "He thinks everything is for him." He's a selfish, violent brute who frequently lashes out in jealousy. But he's got a villainous appeal, like Darth Vader; Cowherd is as appealing as a colonoscopy.

Mr. Heyman (Seinfeld)
He called George "Can't Stand Ya" and gave him a wedgy. His bullying was so disturbing because as a teacher, he was an authority figure. As a radio host for ESPN, Cowherd too abused his power when deciding to destroy young blogs just because he finds them "annoying."