Monday, September 24, 2007

On the Couch, week three

I thought it was over. I thought we were done dealing with the Packers as a good team with Brett Favre at quarterback. It now appears that's not the case. Green Bay looks like a good team (despite no running game--that will hurt them at some point). Brett Favre looks like a good quarterback. It's one more season desperately rooting against the Packers every week. It's one more season of no relaxation until the Packers are eliminated from championship contention. Because if the Packers win yet another championship before the Vikings win one, I'll spend my life in hatred and anger and loathing that I don't want to imagine right now.

I know: I'm a hateful and petty sports fan. Like Dostoevsky's underground man, "I'm a blackguard, a scoundrel, an egotist, a sluggard. [...] I am the nastiest, most ridiculous, pettiest, stupidest, most envious of all the worms on this earth." And you would be too if you were a Minnesota Viking fan who lived and worked a significant portion of your life in Wisconsin. It's petty and small and hateful, and everything I try not to be in "real life," but I don't want Packer fans to get any more pleasure out of sports fan life than they already have.

Randy Moss
Randy Moss, elite wide receiver, is another thing that I thought was over. But it's not. It's all too real. He looks as good as he's ever been. And he's doing it for the team that has already won three Super Bowls this decade. I've said it before and I'll say it more and more throughout the NFL and NBA seasons: nuts to you, Boston fans.

Donovan McNabb
This is the fantasy football quarterback I dreamed of all summer. And I don't give a crap what any of you prosaic bourgeois numbskulls think: those Eagle throwback uniforms are SWEET!

Fantasy Football Depth
To build a successful fantasy football squad capable of competing for 17 weeks, you likely try to obtain some depth. This can be frustrating early in the season, as you're likely leaving some good scorers on the bench. But bye weeks start next week: now that depth helps you.

Dirty Work
I caught Dirty Work on TV this weekend; it was like reading bowdlerized Shakespeare. Every cut or altered line made me visibly wince.

Fantasy Football Dud Running Backs
Through three games, Ladainian Tomlinson has been disappointing, Maurice Jones-Drew and Reggie Bush have been nonexistent, and Steven Jackson, Larry Johnson, and Laurence Maroney have yet to score a touchdown. Every year produces fantasy running back busts, but this season, a lot of highly touted fantasy running backs have done exactly squat. Now you have to decide: which ones do you buy low on, expecting improved production the rest of the season. I don't know, but...

The Reformation
We have too many revolutions at this site; now we're starting some reformations. In the Hazelweird League, a standard starting lineup features two RBs and two WRS, but you are allowed to substitude a third WR in place of a second RB, so you can start one RB and three WRs. I've been starting Reggie Wayne and Steve Smith at WR, Adrian Peterson and Laurence Maroney at RB, with Roy Williams sitting on my bench, scoring useless TDs every week. I can tell myself at least he's not scoring for anybody else's team, but that's little consolation. So Laurence Maroney can go to the bench until Bill Belichick considers him worthy to score touchdowns. It's time for a Reformation to spread throughout the land: the Three Wide Receiver Reformation. So Roy Williams, Reggie Wayne, and Steve Smith, get ready to team up together to carry a revitalized faith to my fantasy football team. This Three Wide Receiver Reformation brings a new devotion and energy to the pure of heart, those faithful souls who grow weary of an empty faith of running backs.

Thanks to Holy Hitter for providing good Sunday posts while my new modem sat at a warehouse all weekend waiting to be delivered today (or tomorrow).


  1. Anonymous8:51 AM

    I live in Wisconsin, I hate the packers, I hate their fans, their stadium, their overrated QB, I think I may actually hate the packers almost as much as I love the Vikes.

    I have Jackson/Maroney in my money league, and Maroney/Parker in my fun (internet) league. Right now I want to strangle Belicheck, he's letting the backups score TDs just to fu*k with FF players, it seems.

    And Jackson.. no tds.. it hurts me so bad inside. I had a championship level team, and if he keeps on like this I'll be missing the playoffs.

  2. Anonymous9:39 AM

    I took a risk. I had Marion Barber III (the no.1 scoring fantasy RB) sitting on my bench behind Travis Henry and Brian Westbrook. All his points this year had been scored on my bench, so I took a chance and traded for Steven Jackson (this will either cause me to forever hate Steven Jackson...something I was close to doing 2 years ago, or love him forever).

    Romo, Jackson, Westbrook (or Henry if Westbrook gets hurt), Holt, Houshmanzadeh, Gates, Vinateiri, and the San Diego D....please return me to the 2003 form of a fantasy team.

  3. Anonymous10:49 AM

    HH - I had high hopes for Jackson this year and he's been a consitent performer for a couple of years. I thought the Rams were going to be the highest powered offense, but NE has that honor. What's with these struggling offenses? The Rams, Saints and Chargers were all supposed enlighten us with their schemes and stunts and trick plays. WTH?

    That's why you got Steven Jackson from me. I tried being patient, but it looks to me like the Cowboys offense will be the one to ride this year and since I missed out on Witten and TO, I'll take what I can.

    But this is your warning, Baby Colston: Shape up or follow your kicker to be traded for a Free Agent pick.

  4. Anonymous3:51 PM

    i think alot of these runners just need to get going. tomlinson has faced three strong defenses capable of keying on him. chicago has those linebackers. against new england the game got pretty out of hand. green bay has fast linebackers. didn't play the pass as much as you'd like but we'll get there.


  5. Anonymous5:17 PM

    ESPN reports that S Jackson is gone for at "least a week" due to a partial groin tear.

    In the same game he lost his 2nd starting O lineman for the year as well.


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