Friday, May 05, 2006

A pox on ALL your houses

You know when somebody goes through something really bad, and he/she says something like "I wouldn't wish this on anybody," or even "I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy"?

Well, I've been through the Viking "Love Boat" fiasco. And I wish this on fans of every single other one of the NFL's 31 teams. I also wish it on fans of every other sports team. Then, THEN, you'll know what it is to suffer. Then you'll know terminal agony. Then you'll know what it is to have a chip on your shoulder about everything, and to flare up in hatred at anybody.

Because the love boat isn't going away. Deadspin uses just about any excuse to bring it up. The only sportswriters who don't bring up something related to a boat every time they mention the Vikings for any reason are those who have already done so repeatedly and have worn out anything they can say.

For years, fans of the Vikings will be tormented by lousy puns, stupid jokes, and vapid sarcasm. Seriously, at what point will Viking boat jokes seem no longer appropriate? Does everbody who was on the 2005 roster have to be gone? Will we ever shake this?

So, as you other fans occasionally feel miserable, imagine never being able to read anything about your favorite team without a terrible punchline being involved.


  1. Anonymous10:02 AM

    maybe you could join the military then you'd know what suffering is like. or maybe you could stop reading these sports writers-- i haven't seen any mention or heard any mention of your boat thing in a long time other than when the sentencing happens. i'm sure there's much worse suffering you could go through and i'm positive there's one or two ways you could keep yourself from this terrible boat agony.

  2. If you think that feels bad, try being a Bills fan and watching your team lose 4 consecutive Superbowls. Oh wait... your a Viking fan, never mind.

  3. Thanks, Rob, for taking me with utter seriousness. I think it's taken for granted when sports fans whine about suffering and agony, there's a certain amount of irony and awareness of just how pointless our whining is (this is why when I really whine, I post a pic of a famous martyr, to call attention to the fact that I am fully aware of how silly I am). But thanks for the gravity and the attempt to make me feel like an ass--always appreciated.

  4. Anonymous6:33 PM

    thanks for taking ME in all seriousness. rereading my comments carefully maybe you see i was probably being ironic.