When I think about the possibility of the Vikings entering a third consecutive season with Tarvaris Jackson as starting quarterback, I have an alphabetic plethora of reactions to choose from:
a) Hasn't this gone on long enough?
b) Maybe I should watch hockey
c) Why do the gods hate me?
d) Well, we still have a great defense....(stifling sobs)
e) A 58% passer in a West Coast offense? And he's starting a third season? Really?
f) Brad Childress is an outrageous prankster.
g) Brad Childress is a nihilistic demon.
h) Brad Childress is a fool that shouldn't be making decisions about the quarterback position.
i) But we still have AP and Chester Taylor...(rubbing tear-drenched cheeks on sleeve)
j) Well, he's still probably be better than the special teams...(biting down on a shoe)
k) Well, Sage will win the job, right? Right? This won't really happen, right?... (imagining Brad Childress's voice and knowing that yes, this really can happen).
l) But we'll still beat the Lions twice, right?... (Remembering that Tarvaris Jackson was the starter for the Vikings only loss to the Lions from 2002-2008).
m) Maybe I should watch baseball.
n) Bernard Berrian is a significantly less intriguing fantasy football prospect
o) Are you there, God? It's me, wwtb?.
p) But there are other things to live for other than the Vikings, right? Right?...(turning off all the lights so I can sit silently in the darkness)
q) Let's see what this John David Booty character can do.
r) When Jackson throws an off-target pass, and it scrapes hard against the turf, does the ball get scuffed, or does the turf?
s) Maybe I should watch basketball.
t) The football season is already too long; I don't want to have to watch playoff games, too.
u) A third year? Really? Why? Why, Brad Childress? Why?
v) Well, maybe Childress will run some funky Wildcat stuff. He's a creative offensive mind, right? Right? Oh.
w) But Visanthe Shiancoe really developed!
x) If the team could go 8-3 with Gus Frerotte at quarterback, how important can quarterback be?
y) Well, the Brad Childress era will end someday.
z) Maybe I should watch golf.