Tuesday, October 31, 2006

What was that bang?'s message for fans who root for teams that have won championships

If you root for a team that has one Super Bowls, then CLEARLY you are a better fan than me, who roots for a team with no championships. You deserve those championships, and can laud your superiority over me whenever you like.

In fact, I'll go further: by rooting for a team with Super Bowl championships, you're a better person than me. You're smarter, more ethical, and probably better groomed.

Perhaps when we die, you, as a fan rooting for teams with Super Bowl championships, will go to heaven and drink ambrosia for eternity, while I, who spent my life rooting for a team with no championships, will get warm and toasty with the arch-fiend.

Actually, if bastardized Calvinism is right, earthly success is a sign that you are part of the elect. So if you're rooting for a team with Super Bowl championships, that probably means God likes you. I, on the otherhand, have committed the ungodly sin of rooting for the Vikings, so God hates me. Wait, we're being bastardized Calvinists here: God hates me so much that he predestined me to root for the Vikings.

You are better than me in every imaginable way.

In other words: blow it out your ass.

8 comments:

  1. Amazing Comments. Hillariously amazing. Being a Vikings fan I don't know wether to laugh or cry... maybe both.

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  2. One moment I think this Bang guy is an idiot for his obviously idiotic prediction of the MNF game, and then he/she goes and totally redeems himself/herself through this post. My faith has been restored.

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  3. the beav11:18 PM

    Who is Pacifist Vikings companion?

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  4. Haha. Nice little rant.

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  5. Why has God forsaken us, the vikings fans? This must be what a jinx feels like.

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