No, the most depressing conversation I had on Thanksgiving wasn't my grandmother noticing my balding spot and telling me, "Joe, put your head down. I just noticed that. Did somebody hit you? Do you have a scar? It's so thin there," then proceeding to tell me what shampoo she uses to get thicker hair. The most depressing conversation I had on Thanksgiving was the following:
Aunt: Does anybody know, when is the last time the Vikings WON a Super Bowl?
(I stare blankly)
Aunt: I tried to look it up, but I couldn't find it.
Me: It will probably take you a while.
Aunt: I could only find the info back to like '67.
Me: That's around when they started having Super Bowls. But the Vikings have never won one.
Aunt: So what did they do before the Super Bowl? Just have nothing?
Me: They called it the NFL Championship.
Aunt: Oh. So when is the last time the Vikings won that?
(I blankly stare)
Me: They never won that either. Actually, they won it in '69, but then lost the Super Bowl.
Aunt: Oh. But they were in, like, three Super Bowls.
Me: Four, actually.
Aunt: Well, what team has gone the longest without winning a Super Bowl?
Me: Um, the Vikings are pretty close.
Aunt: So they're like the Chicago Cubs of football.
Aunt: Well, then it could be worse: it could be another 60 years of waiting.
Me: Did you walk out of my nightmares and into my waking life?