Tuesday, April 24, 2007

A lousy player's football card: 2006 Topps Frisman Jackson

I love reading the blurbs on the backs of football cards--frankly, I wish I had a job writing the blurbs on the backs of football cards. The best blurbs are written for lousy or average players. The writers usually go to great lengths to praise the players for the most minor of achievements. Here at PV, we'll chronicle and interpret some of the best. We'll try to make this a regular feature.

Here's what the back of Frisman Jackson's 2006 Topps card (#76) reads:

"Now in his fifth season, Frisman's next start will be his first--and based on his progress in 2005, it may not be too long in coming. A part time QB in college, he went undrafted in 2002. He was actually released by the Browns in '04, but they quickly resigned him. Jackson's 24 catches last year included a 68-yard TD in the season opener."

WHAT THE CRAP. The goal of a football card blurb is to praise the player, even if it goes beyond all reason. But what are the distinguishing features we learn about Jackson on this card?

--He's never started a game in the NFL.
--He wasn't good enough to be drafted.
--He was once released.

There's so little to praise in Jackson's career, Topps actually points out that he's never been good enough to start and he was once released. They actually mention that he's been cut. But Topps does give him some praise: they do mention his one career touchdown reception specifically.

This is a great blurb--it's just barely covert ripping. Here's what the sub-text reads:

"Frisman Jackson sucks. We're sorry you got his card in this pack. Better luck next time."

12 comments:

  1. When I got my Frisman Jackson card I actually jumped for joy and said, "Finally, I my life is complete!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. So I should probably pay a lot of money for this guy in our draft...right? Right? His first start may or may not be this season! That's the kind of potential I base my team around!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Consider this Jerod. Frisman Jackson did not play a single game last year. That is right whie Topps waxed poetic about his first start possibly coming in 2006 instead he didn't play a single game and he now is on the New York Jets. (Although his being on the Jets should be intriguing for you)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Not to mention Jerod we all know you base your team around whichever Fantasy magazine you happen to have in front of you at the time. Of course you are the champ. Maybe the best advice would be to base your team on the same magazine you bought last year.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sounds like someone is bitter about not having the right magazine last year...

    And I'll let you in on a secret, I really pick my team based on Madden rankings.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous2:44 PM

    Sounds like Blue Devil has not won the league lately and now he is picking on the defending champion!
    Maybe North Carolina did not have good magazines. When back in the Land of 10,000 lakes, he may fair a little better!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sounds like Rick just likes to defend his little precious Jerod, just like he used to over the championship belt on Wrestling nights. Remember that when we all had to let Jerod win or we got our butts kicked.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Stop making lame excuses, blue devil. We all know that never happened...

    ReplyDelete
  9. J-Rod we all know that Wednesday night was dedicated to all of us getting our butts kicked by Rick when little Jerod went upstairs crying that he couldn't win.

    But on the bright side, you didnt cry in Fantasy Football your first two years and now you are champ. See what happens when you dont cry, you actually earn respect.

    I respect your Fantasy Prowess now. Will you sit by me in the draft and help me decide who to draft?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sure, I'll even let you take a look at my Madden 08 Game Guide..it has every player's "OVR" neatly organized, so I'll know exactly who to take.

    ReplyDelete
  11. 4got more than u know9:13 PM

    How did I get involved in this crap?
    I can't remember Wednesday nights, I though it was Mondays when I kicked your a--.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haters! How many NFL starts do you have? You can't tell the abilities of a player who comes from a losing franchise. Wait till Frisman Jackson gets a chance on a team who has a QB.

    ReplyDelete