Why I want Favre to retire...desperately.

I'll keep this simple: I desperately want Shitdick to retire. Here's why:

1. I don't want him to break Marino's all-time TD pass record. That record is pretty hallowed to me...if Shitdick broke it, I'd have to re-examine existence (plus, we'd have to listen to broadcasters coo about him no matter how many interceptions he throws).

2. I don't want any possibility of Favre winning another Super Bowl. I know the Packers are nowhere near contention, but I can't deal with the possibility. And if the Packers win their 13th championship before the Vikings win their 1st, I'm going to have to get a passport, buy a plane ticket to Tibet, find a Buddhist Monastery, and find somebody to explain to me why God is so evil. Whatever answer they gave me, I'd probably stay there and never watch football again. Plus, I don't want to listen to broadcasters coo about him if he does win another Super Bowl.

3. The Vikings beat the Packers the last three times they faced each other, and I want that to be my lasting memory of Shitdick. I also like the idea of him finishing up 4-12 with 29 interceptions.

4. I can't stand another season of broadcasters talking about Favre's retirement. It's not like you can avoid it by not watching Packer games--it's like Dick Vitale bringing up Duke no matter what teams he's covering; announcers find a way to work it in everywhere.

Now, it might be nice to have him come back, face more losing, embarrass himself some more (his play got really bad in the second half of the year), throw some more dreadful interceptions, and cost his team some more wins with his "gunslinger" mentality. Plus, I don't even know if he has the 24 TDs in him (that's what it will take to catch Marino's 420). But I've had enough of Shitdick to last me--I'm ready to move on. I can't put the hatred aside until he's no longer in uniform. Then I still won't be able to put the hatred aside, but it won't consume me.